Finally went running
June 22, 2009 at 10:54 pm | In cooking | 2 CommentsTags: running, sanity
I feel sane again. I love it. I love that running can do that for me. I’m so glad I’m slowly but surely getting back to my running roots. I never appreciated it or my aptitude for it in high school (God sometimes I think about if I never “quit” running in high school. I would of been running marathons with ease by now). Now I feel thankful after every run for all the sweat, the soreness in my legs, the quiet in my brain, the smile on my face from the funny podcast I was listening to, and once again the utter quiet in my brain.
Terrible freaking weekend
June 22, 2009 at 5:53 am | In cooking | 2 CommentsTags: binge eating disorder, running
I haven’t binged that much in months. I totally had access to healthy food, but just ignored it for cake, ice cream, and pizza all weekend. All of my plans for the weekend kept being torn to shreds for various reasons out of my control (Like cars breaking down and whatnot). This weekend I just wanted to go for a nice long run but those things kept pushing back my run until it never happened. I got so frustrated and depressed that I let myself binge. I really could of avoided it, so then I got more frustrated at myself and binged some more.
I am feeling alot better this morning though. Its been part of my busy schedule to run this evening, so as long as that actually goes as planned I know I’ll feel completely better until tomorrow. I just have to retain my sanity until then.
Holy crap
June 17, 2009 at 4:59 pm | In cooking | 1 CommentTags: running
I just ran 41 mins. My entire body is covered in a thick layer of sweat. I feel so damn good right now. I haven’t ran for that long since I was on the high school cross country team 8 years ago. Damn I’m proud of myself!
I love paneer
June 13, 2009 at 2:11 pm | In binge eating disorder, random stuffs | Leave a CommentTags: binge eating disorder (BED), drinking, Indian food
Last night I went drinking with a bunch of interns and had the cliche 2 am junk food eat-fest, and for once I don’t care. I was drunk, craving food (thought not hungry), and found this awesome hole-in-the-wall fast food Indian food place. I don’t remember the name, but it was paneer in a yummy pickle sauce wrapped in a huge piece of naan. And after I scarfed it all down I was perfectly satisfied and happily played Rock Band with my friends until I crawled into bed.
I love the rare night when I can escape food’s hold over my every thought. It makes me feel like a normal freaking college student. Sure, a normal college student’s eating habits aren’t the healthiest, but I find that mindset to be healthier then my normal food obsessed one. Its so relieving to be able to eat sometimes and not feel racked with guilt afterwards.
Feeling alot better
June 9, 2009 at 6:11 am | In anxiety/depression, binge eating disorder, cooking, exercise, random stuffs | 1 CommentTags: binge eating disorder (BED), cooking, Dreena Burton, drinking, ice cream, overeating, stress, summer
Even though it was a busy weekend with way too much driving, I got to spend it with my boyfriend (officially 1.5 hours at max away from each other! Thank god he graduated!) so that made everything a ton better. I overate on every day but Sunday, but thats okay (I’m feeling a TON better now though, so thats all that matters). I kept having these anxiety attacks over really stupid small things (which I’m pretty sure caused the overeating. And then my boyfriend would calm me down until the next one hit. That poor boy is a saint!
As long as I don’t have to make any impromptu drives home in rush hour after work, and avoid the constant parties the stupid boys down the hall keep having, I think I will survive this summer. Well, I don’t want completely avoid the parties down the hall, but I’m going to have to set up a happy medium of sorts. I just DON’T have the time to be wasting it at a party. On the days I don’t have class I have enough time to do whatever, but on days I have class I’m going to have to suck it up and go to the gym after class (9:30 at night 
I wish the gym downstairs opened up before work, but it doesn’t so I will have to make due). As long as I regularly go to the gym, eat semi-healthy, avoid too much partying, and keep on top of my homework I will survive the summer and not fail my classes. I think!
Yesterday was awesome because I finally got to freaking cook! And go to the gym! These intern friends that I made (we are officially gym buddies when I actually don’t have class) and I cooked a super healthy dinner together. We made edamame as an appetizer, then marinated chicken breast and (my contribution) Potato squashes from Dreena Burton’s ED&BV. I modified the recipe by adding lemon juice and garlic cloves, and it turned out AMAZING. Two other boys joined us and brought salad and ice cream. After dinner I had an ice cream cone without bingeing! I love that I am able to do this sometimes. I may not of been able to do that on Friday (I don’t want to talk about how much stupid ice cream I ate at the stupid intern “ice cream social”), but at least I was able to do it yesterday! And I’m super proud of myself darn it!
Holy crap Costa Rica was amazing!
June 5, 2009 at 6:06 am | In anxiety/depression, binge eating disorder, exercise, random stuffs | 1 CommentTags: binge eating disorder (BED), Costa Rica, drinking, overeating, stress
but ever since I got back its been chaos. My internship set me up in this really nice apartment, right in the middle of a city, with a ridiculously nice gym on the first floor. Ugh I haven’t been able to enjoy any of this so far since I’m taking 3 classes this summer. Those classes have given me no free time, the only reason I can do this now is because I’m too hung over to eat breakfast. Last night after class I refused to do more work for my classes and went to a party that some other interns were having. I haven’t gotten that drunk around basically strangers in a LONG time. And now I remember why I normally don’t do that. Going to a party depressed is never the best idea in the world. What’s done is done, hopefully I didn’t make TOO much of an ass of myself.
I haven’t been hardcore bingeing, but I have definitely been stress overeating. It hasn’t been helping that I haven’t been able to exercise. I’m hoping when I get a hang of this crazy schedule I can fit in exercise and other relaxing activities. I’m not one of those people that thrive in an overwhelming situation, so I need to figure out this stuff pretty quickly. I think I will, I just need to be patient with myself.
I don’t have any pictures from Costa Rica (my friend I went with has them all on his computer) but once I do I’ll post them! I can’t wait till I get them, I want to remember how much fun I had just a mere week ago. Seriously though, Costa Rica is a GREAT place to visit. The food is sooo fresh and healthy. Papaya, pineapple, and mango grew EVERYWHERE. Their “typical food” gallo pinto (rice and beans) was AMAZING. I happily ate gallo pinto and those ridiculously good fruits every day. I found a few recipes for the bean dish and when I actually have time to cook I am definitely going to make a sad attempt at my own version of it.
Ugh I have to go to work now.
Thank god for running
May 22, 2009 at 4:59 pm | In anxiety/depression, exercise, random stuffs | 2 CommentsTags: Costa Rica, overeating, running, stress
I went running yesterday and today, and it greatly helped with my anxiety both times. I am very anxious about this trip. I just found out last night we are getting back a day later then I originally thought, and at 11:30 pm at that. My summer internship starts the next day. I’m really considering leaving a day early on my own, even if I have to pay for a new ticket. If there are plane delays and I don’t make it back in time for the internship my boss will KILL me. Finding this out did nothing to help my general worries about the trip.
Despite being super stressed, I haven’t been overeating since my post yesterday. Last night I desperately wanted to go to Wegmans for waaay too many bags of soy crisps, but I distracted myself with packing instead. I think the running has been very helpful
Everything will be work out, I’m sure of it. I have never traveled, and my last 4 years at school weren’t the best time of my life. I deserve this!! I will come back tan and happy, I know it!
I’ll be AWOL till I get back (unless by some miracle I run across some free internet access down there) so I hope everyone has a great week!!!
I feel super anxious today
May 21, 2009 at 12:50 pm | In anxiety/depression, cooking, exercise, random stuffs | 1 CommentTags: overeating, running, stress
I have so much stuff to do before I leave for Costa Rica tomorrow. I made a big mexican casserole 2 days ago and it tastes like crap but I’m stuck eating it (my mom doesn’t want me to waste it). I have been overeating throughout the day. And I’m super nervous about this trip. I have never been outside the US east coast, let alone to a third world country. Paranoia concerning every little stupid thing keeps popping up in my head. I am excited, but right now the paranoia is winning. I don’t think the excitement will hit me until I’m on the plane. In which case I will force the excitement to take over because like hell I’m not enjoying this trip. I just have to survive my paranoia until tomorrow.
After I digest my food I’m going to force myself to go for a run. I think that will be helpful.
I need to stop spending so much money!
May 20, 2009 at 10:40 pm | In baking, exercise, random stuffs | Leave a CommentTags: exercise, raw food
But I saw EA Active (I totally forgot it was coming out in May!!) while at Walmart today. I love my Wii Fit, so I have been excited for this game since I heard about it. But do I need another Wii exercise game? (I also own My Fitness Coach.) I was using them alot during the winter when I was too much of a wuss to go outside, but haven’t touched them since it got nice (I have gotten addicted to running outside). Maybe I should wait until it gets cold again to buy EA Active. Do I have enough self control to wait until then? Probably not.
Today was the Raw Food Challenge, so I had lentil sprouts (I have been sprouting alot lately, germination never gets old for me!) and zucchini with a tahini-lemon-garlic dressing. And then for dessert I had raw carrot cake I found in the freezer that I made last week for Mother’s Day. I felt like CRAP after eating this meal. I had a huge headache and weird feeling stomach all during my shopping extravaganza with my friend today. I still feel rather crappy so I’m too lazy to post the picture. I need to sleep. I’m going to do that now.
Blah weekend
May 19, 2009 at 5:36 pm | In binge eating disorder, body image, exercise, random stuffs | 2 CommentsTags: binge eating disorder (BED), body image, overeating, running
This weekend was just a big old overeating fest. It happened, there is nothing I can do about it, I need to get over it. I am mostly over it, except for that nagging in my head about my Costa Rica trip I’m living for on Saturday. I have that cliche “wanting to look perfect for vacation” thinking in my head. I am NOT perfect nor ever will be. If I am really feeling self-conscious while there I will just have to suck it up and put on clothes over my bathing suit. I have been doing that the past few years so what’s the big deal. I know its not a fix for my body image problems but I would rather not be miserable and depressed while in a beautiful country where I should be having the time of my life.
I really should of run this morning. I got 2 vaccinations for my trip this afternoon and now the places I was needled hurts like the dickens. At least I ran yesterday to FINALLY reset my lack of exercise anxiety. Hopefully the pain will be gone tomorrow so I can go for a nice run.
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